NOTE- this article in not any way put less emphesis on difficulties faced by men in general. I presume they have their own set of difficulties. & also the undermentioned conditions does’nt prevail in all context.
In lower middle class & mid-middle class families, i guess girls should not forget ever that by design they do not have control over their own life. when they are given chance to persue higher education or to move out of towns & suburaban areas to acheive something it’s very necessary that you complete your chase in predetermined time, say uptill 23-24. No more than that. If you loose count of time in some distraction or merely because of badluck or because you were too busy to sort out inherent small daily “struggles” to adapt things. thats not gonna help you or will not be even called excuse.
After one or two year, you will find youself in centre of table where your parent and your brothers will become your PR agent and in “samaj” looking for suitable match will start. “samaj” has It’s own role to play. You have not met the all people in samaj or you even don’t know the name of your distant relatives but you have to consider them in biggest decision of your life. Brahmin samaj, Rajput Samaj, Agrawal samaj and so on. situation more or less is same everywhere.
After that one very important aspect that is considered is looks. I am not talking only about beuty. colour, texture, Weight, hight etc will be measured in pre-conceived notion. Adjective will be assigned, Moti, bahut patli, hight kam hain, Daant bahar hai, abhi tak andar kyon nahi karwayein, Kaali bhais, gori bhais, chehre main itne daag, kaale gadhe kyon hai, Gym karo, patle ho jaoge, Katrina ki bahen thodi hai, jo itni sundar hai toh kya kare.
if you were relaxed, that everything will happen when it is supposed to, you are so wrong. You definately need to assess your current environment. Till then the relatives & neighbors who never asked your well being, who were more interested in some chatpati news releted to you for gossip, who never helped you financially or emotionally are continously asking your parent in every function, ” falaneji, dhimki ki shaadi kab kar rahein hai”. we don’t have or had mama or chacha, who will give us iphone for touching their feet. I am sure many of them did’nt even got Parle-G biscuit from any of the so called relatives but you will start often seeing them in sitting in your sofas in your hall. After greeting them you will be sent inside to prepare snacks and tea for them, while they will be suggesting your family a groom with this or that quality saying “accha toh hai, kya kharabi hai, ab kya aapko ranbir kapoor chahiye”. After your parents will be convinced, to not be convinced is very hard, i must tell you, they will start preparing further. Something is missing, is’nt it. The main Ingrediaent. OHH they forget to ask the girl herself.
the brother elder or younger who might not even bought you a duppatta with their earning, because they are not earning, who might have never guided you in any of your choices or supported you, who were enjoying their own collage days with swag have suddenly became “bhai cum Baap”. their tone has became authoritative like, Samajh lena, aisa hi hota hai. some of them were caught saying “meri bahen agar doosre cast main shadi karegi toh main khud hi kaant dalunga”. but this issue is related to Intercaste love or marriage for that i have to write another article. when i started writing this one, i was solely writing for arrange one. Although i am not feeling very good writing this because this not universally applicable to all the brothers. So moving forward…
in the begining of the article i mentioned lower middle class family, biggest constraint “MONEY”. you might have heard, paisa bhagwan nahi hai, par bhagwan se kam bhi nahi hai. Some of the girls are or were earning with their studies like tutions, accounting, teaching in schools etc. they are earning but not enough to even contribute for their own marriage. Financially families do not not have well net worth, for marriage thay have to take loan from organised or unorganised sector. Major expanse, is not dowry, we all know that dowry is illegal in India by constitution, & everthing that bride’s father give is by “sweccha” that means by their own choice. Ladke wale kahan maangte hai, wo to pitaoan ko hi shouk hota hai, 3-8lakh wale average family income hote hue tilak main 10lakh cash aur four wheeler dene ka shouk. “This is sarcasm if not understood by all”.one or other reason could also be that, girl should not have any difficulty in adjusting with their inlaws. There are many factor in this concern so some time family really give all the things by their own choice. I am not saying that all people are demanding.
next phase is post marriage choice regarding career. If they are well paid off, then they just need, “padhi likhi bahu” cum housewife. If you want to work you have to ask everyone’s permission. Some time it’s reverse. I am not saying all women want to work. But they will be forced to work if family is not financially well along with other chores. so as per your situation be prepared.
This topic is very vast. i may have forgot to write something. As a precautionary meausure some steps that people have to take are,
- Be aware that time is limited, so concentrate more on studies, build capebilities and ignore things that will not matter in coming years.
- Set priorities, acheive them.
- Earn high, this one is touhg bcuz you might not be what you wanted to be but do not stop, Keep going toward your goal. Paisa bahut badi cheez hai. and hence you will have control over your life.
Ending note- Time rahte sambhal jao, jiske haath se nikal gaya hai usse seekh lo.